A Bahraini and an American walk into a bar…[near-death]

They walk into the bar disheveled and cold. Hungry and tired. You can tell they had a rough day because the American ordered straight gin in front of a crowd of people without shame. What happened to them?

I say near death in the title, but really it was just a reminder of how much Zainab and I are truly best friends enough to not kill each other after the day we had. It was full of failed brewery visits, an Emo islander kid, and a long walk that loners take at the end credits scene of a Tarantino film. In fact I’m pretty sure he wrote our day…with Spielberg….and Michael Bay placing little nuggets of explosive weather. I will apologize in advance for the lack of pictures as we tried to NOT die. But I’ve got colourful writing…you’ll live.

We started the day with the intent to visit some castles and a local brewery that is famous for its handmade Arran ale. However it was not meant to be and the brewery was closed. We did however, stumble upon a smaller brewery that sold several different types of Arran ale, and I tried them all.

I wasn’t an ale person before I drank them and I wasn’t one afterwards but I do recommend you try them when you go.

We then ventured into a small shopping district that had tastefully priced goods, food, and souvenirs. I, being a foodie, had to get a picture of this magnificent hot chocolate I devoured on this day.


Now…after we got back to the house after a busy morning we had the genius idea of walking to the next town over to see another castle. This is because we are millennials and cannot read distance on a map properly. Yes, without the wisdom of Google Maps we decided to walk.

It took us two and half hours…we got nowhere…

The walk started out sunny and lovely with great conversation between the two of us and lovely photographs (that AGAIN has vanished and I have no idea what happened!!!). Imagine long roads with cliff edges that fall off into the water below. Old cottages and raised ledges on your right as your left resembles a scene from A Series of Unfortunate Events (with Jim Carey). That…that was our view.

Of course an hour and a half into this view with no end in sight was alarming.

The weather began to change. It’s patience with us was about as done as we were with each other. It got colder, and began to rain. Two out of shape noobs walking the lonely trail can only be fun for so long. The rain felt like ice shards and then came the wind…wind…

By the second hour things got intense. The wind wouldn’t stop scraping our faces but thankfully the rains stopped. We got desperate. We had no idea where we were and we had no internet. No Google Maps to save us. We contemplated hitching a ride…but no one stopped.

Finally someone did: a gardening woman with two dogs and a station wagon.

Now in no way do we endorse or encourage hitchhiking! We’ve seen Taken and we aren’t those girls.

But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do…so we hitched a ride to the nearest pub, which is next to where the next castle was that we wanted to see.

We stumbled into the pub and we both ordered some tea. Okay that sounds civilised; Zainab calmly ordered tea. I walked up to the cute bartender with the biggest eyes and the most pathetic face and whimpered, “can I have some food?”

That’s all I said…I sounded like a crazy lady. But hey, walking for two and a half hours in crazy weather in ill-prepped clothes and then hitchhiking will do that do you.

After downing our tea and food, we decided to go outside again and look for the castle.

And then…we were disheveled by the weather.

SIDEWAYS RAIN! It was the Chris Brown beating of weather (too soon?) my umbrella was turned inside out but out of principle I held onto it. Zainab was quaintly dying. Remember she’s a desert child. We didn’t even find the castle! By this point it was my turn to want to kill someone because this was Zainab’s idea.

So we waddle in wet trousers back to the pub…and it was crowded.  Cue the joke:

So the Bahraini and the American walk into a bar soaking wet and looking defeated. The American walks to the bartender and asks for a straight Gin, no ice (like a hardened cowboy); the Bahraini asks for tea. Have you even seen such a sight? They were soakin’ wet and angry. No smiles. What a day they must have had.

Never in our lives have we been so embarrassed and defeated. All the patrons stopped talking and stared. My underwear felt like a wet towel.

What is our lives…?

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